Bridges Burn, I Never Learn (I Make the Same Mistakes Every Time)
by screaming internally
Summary: It makes Lilly sick that J.P. is the one making Mia this happy - it hurts. Seeing them together. Like Lilly was a stepping stone to their happiness, like her feelings and heartache never mattered, because the picture-perfect princess and her picture-perfect boyfriend never needed the fat girl with the glasses and the loud mouth with too many opinions. (Post-Book 9, Pre-Book 10)


**Bridges Burn, I Never Learn (I Make the Same Mistakes Every Time)**

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Mia looks happy.

She looks happy now, in a way she hasn't in . . . honestly, Lilly can't remember seeing Mia this happy for a really, really long time.

It makes Lilly sick that _J.P._ is the one making her this happy, but honestly, it's not like Lilly can really stand up and say something, especially _now_ -

(It's been too long, is her reasoning. J.P. is good at talking you around to his point of view, and making you believe false things, honestly how was she ever so _stupid,_ and Mia's never been the smartest, it's why she needed Lilly, to – not think for her, but help her, help Mia get through life without her becoming one of the mindless Lana-drones who never think of anything but their parties and their boyfriends, and actually have interesting conversations about interesting things instead of bland boring things you dress up as interesting when really they're as fascinating as staring at drying _paint_)

-but somehow it hurts. Seeing them together. Like Lilly was a stepping stone to their happiness, like her feelings and heartache never mattered, because the picture-perfect blond princess and her picture-perfect blond boyfriend never needed the fat girl with the glasses and the loud mouth with too many opinions.

But it also pisses her off, for basically the same reasons. And also because – what, Mia just couldn't freaking wait to get a new boyfriend, could she? She spent five freaking months whining about not having a boyfriend, and then Kenny – Kenneth, he's Kenneth – puts in all the effort to date her, so she treats him like shit, and then immediately jumps into dating Michael and.

And Lilly gets it. She gets it, okay? It was freshman year, Kenneth was definitely not as he looks now, Michael was there, and fucks sake, Mia might've been looking at Michael, but he was definitely looking _back_ and. And Lilly loves her brother. For everything she says and does, she loves her family so freaking much, you know? And Mia just – stomped on that, because Lilly's family loves Mia too, like another daughter.

You don't invite just any of your friends for Passover, okay?

And Mia just – freaked out, because Michael was older than her and had a life outside her, and somehow he thought he wasn't good enough for her, which was fucking bullshit. If one of you has to tutor someone for four straight months and they only get their grade to a B, and one of you gets accepted to Columbia in junior year, one of you is clearly not better than the other.

It was like . . . once Mia became Princess Mia, Michael couldn't wrap his head around the fact that – tiara aside, _it was still the same Mia_. Still the same Mia who cried watching horror movies and who bit her nails and who could literally never stand up for herself. There was no change, except . . . there was a change. There was a bodyguard, and Princess Lessons, and Clarisse sticking her nose into Mia's business all the time, and people treating Mia differently. Which was honestly all the reason more for all Mia's friends to _not_ change how they treated her!

But Michael . . . he hadn't been subtle about his crush on Mia before they got together. Seriously. Lilly put that two-and-two together by Halloween, when Mia was just messy about her life but still ended up being Glinda the Good Witch. God, Mia honestly was as thick as a brick – Michael was literally stammering over her appearance and paying for her food and getting territorial over Kenneth getting there first. Jesus.

_Lars_ had put it together.

So, you could say that it pissed Lilly the fuck right off when Mia _finally_ catches a damn clue, and then . . forgets Michael's birthday. Well, she didn't, but she almost did. And then she got all whingey when Michael didn't want to go to prom. And like, the sex thing – THAT, Lilly kind of gets. For one, if Mia'd had sex before Lilly was able to, she would've ripped Mia's fake blonde hair out from the roots, but also because – hadn't Michael _realised_ that Mia was a swooning catastrophe when it came to romance? The _prom_ nonsense hadn't notified him? Every conversation they'd ever had about romance movies starring Drew Barrymore? Still, they'd been cruising along fine, and then . . Well. Then Mia had brought J.P. into Lilly's life. And, honestly, Lilly needed him. J.P. was a distraction from her own mess – her parents separation, her dad moving out, Michael never being around, but still somehow enough to bug the hell out of her life – J.P. and his pretty blue eyes and dimpled smile didn't hurt to have around; even when having him around meant that Lily had to try and turn herself into Mia.

Yeah. The weight loss, the blonde highlights, the contact lenses staying in even when they itched – hindsight's a bitch, and the 20/20 vision of what Lilly had become during their relationship stung. She'd worked really really hard for a long time to feel good about herself, and she let one guy come along and . . .

Well. Let's just say that J.P. was scheming freaking toxic maggot, and the fact that Mia still hasn't caught a freaking clue about him is honestly eroding the remnants of any respect Lilly's ever held for her intellect.

Of course, the fact that Mia's willingly hanging around Lana Weinberger and Trisha Hayes also doesn't bode well for her former best friend's intelligence. That much perfume and underage drinking would kill anyone's brain cells.

J.P. was a distraction for her at a time when she needed a distraction. And she convinced herself she was in love with him –

(You don't fall in love with people who need you to change yourself to be with them. You're supposed to change _together_, that's what love _does_)

And she ignored the flags.

Just like how Mia and Michael ignored the glaring freaking flags on their relationship, too. For god's sake, Michael, if your girlfriend is freaking out every other month that you're going to dump her because of whatever goddamn reason, and you're not telling her you had sex before her even when you KNOW she's a stupid romantic, and you're also nagging her to have sex with you – _maybe_ that's not the healthiest goddamn relationship! What, he genuinely couldn't wait for Mia to _grow the fuck up_ before asking her out that first time?

Okay – that's really something she only thinks in hindsight, at the time, Mia's ridiculous pining and Michael's sudden allergy to t-shirts were genuinely the dumbest freaking thing and the most irritating aspects of everyone's daily lives; but GOD if Nana hadn't been right when she said that relationship would probably blow up in their faces.

Seriously, that first Hanukkah? Right after Michael and Mia sucked face at the Winter Dance for two hours? Nana literally said "Honey, I hope your brother and your friend know what they're getting themselves into. They're at completely different stages of life – although I bet it doesn't feel like that – and I hope they last. But they might not. And you might need to pick someone to stick with if that happens."

And you know the painful thing?

If that breakup hadn't been such a damn garbage fire, Lilly would've stuck with Mia. She would've. Mia was her first friend – the first to stay, the first she'd had for a sleepover, the first –first –first. Mia was the one and only friend Lilly'd ever pictured being able to date Michael – yeah, Lilly knew a bunch of her friends swooned over her brother (which, _ew_), but Mia was the one she would've chosen for Michael. And she'd wanted them to work out.

She hoped – quietly, silently, never ever even imagining saying it out loud to anyone at all – that maybe, one day, in the far future . . . she and Mia could've actually been sisters.

Which is honestly the dumbest fucking thing, right? Lilly's a feminist, and a socialist, and she refuses to be tied down by patriarchal ideas of what marriage means for a woman, okay?

But Mia _is_ a stupid-hopeless romantic (or she was. Is she still? Or did Michael and Lilly break her of that, too?) and she'd probably be thrilled to be Mia Moscovitz. She'd probably written it down in that freaking journal of hers on every damn page, probably.

Which is maybe why it hurts for Lilly to look at Mia these days.

There's no chance of 'Mia Moscovitz' happening, anymore.

Mia's too damn starry-eyed to notice that J.P. putting his hands on her isn't a lover's embrace. He's digging his claws in.

* * *

Okay, so this is bookverse. Movie Lilly is far too nice compared to Book Lilly, theyre almost different characters entirely.

I know plenty of people will say that Grandmere is the villain/antagonist of the Princess Diaries books – and theyre right to say that – Lilly can also be equally cast in that role. If books 1, 3, 5, 6, 8 and 9 all have massive plot points that cannot move forward without Lilly taking the antagonist role, that character is definitely NOT one of your heroes.

But she also had her own motivations and worldview, and clearly a lot of love for her brother. So while I may not even like Lilly very much at all (Tina's such a better friend all the time), here's my stab at getting into her head during book 9 and before book 10. Because, uh. It turns out there's a lot there. But Lilly's also a very selfish and self-interested character, and I don't think you need to read all the way to book 9 to learn she's got a cruel streak a good mile wide, so her narration is, uh. Not the nicest thing.

Title from Taylor Swift's 'Call It What You Want'.


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